我找不到靳骐。                                                                                                             这么多天下来，我打了很多次电话给靳骐，听到的声音都是同一个“您所拨打的电话已停机”，那么冷漠的声音在电话那头重复了一遍又一遍。                                                                                                             一开始的时候，我甚至还觉得，有可能一不小心手机掉了或是被人偷了的缘故，但是直到开学三天，我已经没有瞧见靳骐的时候，所有的不安，在一瞬间全部都扩大化了。                                                                                                             学校的宿舍，原本应该是他的床位空无一物，床板上甚至已经蒙上了一层灰尘。                                                                                                             如果到现在我都还没有一个觉悟的话，那我真的成了2b还坐实了“x无大脑”这句话了。                                                                                                             他不会再出现了……                                                                                                             我有这个觉悟，却不敢去相信，总觉得也许下一秒下一分钟或者是明天能够接到的他的电话，听着他那带着笑意的声音对我说“啊，忘记给手机冲费了，你是不是很担心”，然后我会狠狠地骂他一顿，用吼的声音告诉他，难道都不知道我会担心的么。                                                                                                             我总以为，我不至于沦落到如此悲催地步的。                                                                                                             但是所有的一切都告诉我一个答案，我错了，而且还错的离谱。                                                                                                             “学姐，靳骐上学期末的时候办理了休学，你不知道么？”靳骐一个室友有些不可思议地反问着我。                                                                                                             “嘘！”                                                                                                             那人的脑袋被另外一个男生狠狠地拍了一掌，他赔着笑。                                                                                                             “学姐，其实我们也不是很清楚。”他笑着，尴尬无b。                                                                                                             我没应话，就算是开了口，也不清楚自己到底应该说什么，其实，不清楚的人一直只有我而已。                                                                                                             或者已经是清楚了，却总不愿意去相信。                                                                                                             nv人就是这样，擅长自欺欺人，用情感来麻痹自己所有的感觉。                                                                                                             我不知道为什么会来到这个地方，看着自己面前的住宅楼，不知不觉之中，我居然到了这个地方。                                                                                                             小雨淅沥沥地下着，来的时候忘记带伞，浅蓝se的羽绒服表面已经沾sh了，顺手一抹，沾染了一手的水，g燥的衣服sh答答的，雨滴顺着头发往着脖子里面一个劲地流淌着，就连脖子上的围巾也挡不住那势头，明明应该冰凉无b，但是我却一点感觉都没有。                                                                                                             所有的感觉，早就已经被麻痹掉了。                                                                                                             我抬头看着那一幢高高的公寓楼，看着靳骐住的那一层楼，在夜se下那里亮着灯。                                                                                                             亮着灯……                                                                                                             我看着那灯光，心理面莫名地有着一种感觉，他在的……他是在的……                                                                                                             “靳骐，开门！”                                                                                                             我用力地按了两下门铃，用力地敲着门。他在的，他应该是在的，不然的话，房子里面不可能亮着灯的，他在的，真的在的。                                                                                                             我不知道有没有人看到此时此刻的我，或许我现在的样子像是一个疯子一样，也合该是疯子的一样的……                                                                                                             “喀”的一声，房间的门打开了，一张俊秀的脸出现在门口，但是却不是我等的那个人。李澈站在门口看着我，像是早就知道我回来一样，从他的眼眸之中我能够见到自己现在真的很掉脸，头发被吹的凌乱不堪，雨水顺着发梢不断地往下滴着，狼狈无b。                                                                                                             “你来了？”李澈看着我，像是早已预料到我回来一样，他的脸se平静无b。                                                                                                             “靳骐呢？”我问。                                                                                                             “你不是知道的么。”                                                                                                             李澈的声音很平静，我很少在李澈的脸上瞧见其他的表情，他像是面部神经失调一样，表情匮乏的可以，经常冷冰冰的，拒人于千里之外的样子，经常会出现的表情都带着一种讥屑的味道，说出来的话也总带着刺。                                                                                                             我是知道，只是我不甘心，为什么所有的人都清楚，只有我一个人在状况外什么都不知道。                                                                                                             “靳骐呢？”                                                                                                             我抓着李澈的衣襟，咆哮马化身一样用力摇着他，如果现在的我是琼瑶nv主的话，我一定会用夸张的表情，然后声嘶力竭地吼着——“我觉得我快要窒息了”。                                                                                                             可是，心里面顿顿地疼着，空洞的可怕，就连呼x1都是疼的。                                                                                                             李澈掰下我攥着他衣襟不放的手。                                                                                                             “够了，凌墨，”李澈的声音冷得一如外头的雨一样，冰凉冰凉的，“他去英国了，大概不会再回来了。”                                                                                                             “这个早在半年前就已经决定好了的，他注定会离开的。”                                                                                                             那么我呢，我算是什么？                                                                                                             我很想这么问，但是却怎么也出不了声来问，就算问了，又有什么意思呢。                                                                                                             他又不是靳骐，就算是给了我答案，也不是我想要的那个。                                                                                                             “李澈，从某个角度上来说，你也算是一个温柔的人。”                                                                                                             我扯开笑容，伸手拍了拍李澈的肩膀，因为衣服上全部都沾染上了雨水，拍上的他的肩膀上的时候，也在他的肩膀上留下了印记。                                                                                                             原以为他从一开始就不喜欢我，他说我和靳骐之间不会有好结果，现在果然是应验了这一句话，不是什么一语成谶也不是未卜先知，而是他早就已经知道这一天早晚就会到来，一如他所说的那样是注定的。                                                                                                             他早早地提醒了我，只是我一直不愿意相信。                                                                                                             如果他那个时候能够温柔地对我说这些话，我想会更有信服力一点，为毛要绷着一张脸十足十的诅咒样呢，当时我没有ch0u他我也算是客气了。                                                                                                             “我回去了。”                                                                                                             其实现在回答对我来说已经不重要了，人们不是常说么，过程不重要，重要的是结果，而现在就是我的结果。                                                                                                             出了公寓楼，外头的雨已经下的很大了，b来的时候还要来的大。                                                                                                             我慢慢悠悠地走向离公寓有几分钟路程远的公交车站，以前总觉得电视里面失恋的人在雨中一边行走一边哭泣的样子还是有点装13的。                                                                                                             我哭不出来，只觉得被雨水淋到的时候真的很冷，冷的浑身都在发抖，甚至我都能听到自己牙齿碰撞的“嘚嘚嘚”声，早知道出来的时候就应该随身带上一把雨伞才对。                                                                                                             我从口袋里面掏出了手机，慢慢地按下了那早已烂熟于心的号码，冷漠的声音再度传来，话筒里面传来的声音依旧是那冷漠至极的声音。                                                                                                             其实，整个故事不管是从听起来还是看起来都像是一个笑话，就连这场ai情也是。                                                                                                             还好还好，我安慰自己，其实我也不是特别喜欢靳骐，只是我觉得寂寞了，有点空虚了，就像那个时候和江尚远交往的时候那样，一点也不会伤心的，我可以吃好睡好，和以前没有什么不同。                                                                                                             我相信，真的一点也不会觉得难受的。                                                                                                             回到寝室的时候，文雅和依依都在，一个一个手上拿了暖手宝在玩电脑，听那声音就知道一定有是联合一气玩□□连连看，组合一队有分一起赚了。                                                                                                             她们两个也就只能玩玩□□看和人bb速度了，真没出息！                                                                                                             “我回来了。”                                                                                                             我朝着她们打了声招呼，然后开始脱自己身上的衣服，因为没带伞的缘故，淋的还真的是有点凄凉。                                                                                                             “阿墨，你还好吧？”                                                                                                             文雅和依依难得给力地丢下手上鼠标，连游戏也顾不上，从座位上站了起来。                                                                                                             “出门的时候忘记带伞了，不小心淋了点雨。”                                                                                                             我迅速地把衣服脱了下来，丢在一边，然后换上g净的内衣k攥了一条毛巾爬上了床，胡乱地抹了几下头发之后窝进了被窝。                                                                                                             真冷啊，浑身冷冰冰的，就算窝在被窝里面也感觉不到一丁点的热气。                                                                                                             “阿墨，你没事吧？”                                                                                                             文雅和依依拍了一下床沿问着。                                                                                                             “唔，淋了点雨而已，大问题没有，就是现在有点冷。”我哆哆嗦嗦地往着被窝里面钻，企图把自己弯成虾米一样，蜷缩着取暖。                                                                                                             “阿墨，你要不哭一场？哭出来会舒服的多。”文雅拍了一下我的被子，她的声音闷闷的。                                                                                                             “说什么傻话，无缘无故哭什么。”                                                                                                             我用手顶了一下文雅压在我被窝上的手，被她这么压着，感觉特别的闷的慌。                                                                                                             “又不是什么大不了的事情，文雅姐姐请把你的暖手宝借我暖一下……”                                                                                                             我从被窝里面伸出手，浑身发冷的我要依靠自己取暖那真的是一件很难的事情，果然还是要借助外在的力量。                                                                                                             “靠，你肯定要用来暖脚的！”                                                                                                             文雅隔着被子用力地拍了一下我的pgu，但是还是把手上的暖手宝递了进来，而且塞的不止一个，顺带连依依的也塞了进来。                                                                                                             我抱着两个暖手宝，感觉怀里面暖暖的，舒服多了，只是总觉得那么一角空着，空的让人心慌。                                                                                                             “阿墨，别去想了他了。”文雅和依依的声音在外头响起。                                                                                                             “恩，”我应了一声，重重地点了点头，“我没想，又不是第一次谈恋ai，要是这一次t重再增加的话，我也会觉得很苦恼啊。”                                                                                                             我真的没想，真的。                                                                                                             “那想吃点什么？我给你食堂打包回来。”依依r0u了r0u我的脑袋，问着。                                                                                                             “……小笼包子吧……”                                                                                                             上一次靳骐还说等我寒假回来想要吃小笼包子的，还说想要看看小笼包子到底是怎么做的，原本还想要做他尝尝的，但是现在看来，已经没这个机会了吧。                                                                                                             我想。